


lactose makes me honest

by arielf17



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, Awkward Bucky Barnes, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Steve Rogers, M/M, Meet-Cute, Waiter Bucky Barnes, also some innuendo so far, i guess?, more to come - Freeform, name a character and they’re awkward
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2020-06-09 15:00:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielf17/pseuds/arielf17
Summary: The story of an awkward waiter and an artist who gets truthful when he eats cheese





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> writing by the seat of my pants on this one so I’m not sure what’s going to happen but I know it’s gonna be fun. 
> 
> probably.

Steve stared at the waiter as he walked away, not awakening from his daydreaming until Peggy swatted him on the arm. 

“Steve, you’re being rude.” 

“I’m being GAY,” he whispered back. 

Peggy hit him upside the head. He deserved it. 

“Alright fine,” said Steve, “didn’t you have something big to tell me, Pegs?”

“Angie’s got a job on a film here, so we’ve decided to move back to the city.” 

“That’s great! Your girl tired of doing four episode seasons in the middle of nowhere?” 

“You say that like you didn’t write fanfiction.” 

“Hey, here are your drinks. You two need a minute or do you know what you want?” 

_I want to have your adopted babies_ ,  thought Steve. 

“I’ll take the spaghetti with Italian sausage, and what’s the biggest cheeseburger on the menu?” 

“That’d be Big Tim’s Double Bacon Cheese American Supreme, ma’am.” 

“Two of those for my friend, both with fries, and please don’t ever call me ma’am again.” 

“Sure thing.” 

Steve gazed lovingly as the waiter walked away. 

“You’re staring again.”

“I’m too gay for this shit, Peggy.”

—

“Heads up, I think the guy at table 7 is madly in love with you.” 

Bucky rolled his eyes. Peter meant well, but the Bucky was sure half of the kid’s workout was jumping to conclusions. 

“Relax, Parker,” laughed Bucky, “he’s just amazed by this thing.” 

Bucky lifted his metal arm and wiggled his fingers. Peter shrugged, then picked up a tray of drinks and walked away. 

“He’s right, Jim,” said Dumdum from the kitchen. 

“Just get me a spaghetti with sausage and two double bacon supremes.” 

“You got it.” 

Bucky attended to his tables, keeping his mind decidedly off of the blond guy at table 7. 

Bucky wasn’t thinking about how the blond guy looked like his hobby was either bench pressing ocean liners or reading to orphan children. 

Bucky wasn’t thinking about how the blond guy’s bright blue eyes lit up at the tiniest little thing.

Bucky wasn’t thinking about how soft the blond guy’s hair looked, and how it probably smelled bewitching first thing in the morning, warm and sweet. 

He wasn’t thinking about any of that. Really. 

“Spaghetti with sausage and two double bacon supremes!” called Dumdum. 

—

“Steve, quit bouncing your leg. You’re shaking the entire diner.” 

Steve crossed his legs in the booth, counting the seconds until the waiter came back. 

“Here’s your check, and your to-go box.” 

He placed the check down in front of Peggy and walked away. 

“Congratulations, Miss Carter. You’re the state assigned top.” 

“Well, my name is Peggy.” 

Steve was trying to joke around with Peggy, trying desperately to remind himself that he was a confident and likable guy. 

When the waiter came back to give Peggy the receipt, that plan got shot to shit. 

“Here’s your receipt, and...sir, if you come back to this establishment, I’d ask you not to stare at my prosthetic, it’s very rude.” 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be prejudicial I swear, I just think you’re unbelievably handsome.” 

“Oh my God,” chuckled Peggy. 

The waiter’s eyes widened, then he walked away so quickly Steve swore there were scorch marks on the floor. 


	2. Chapter 2

Steve collapsed onto his sofa with a melodramatic grunt. His roommate, Natasha, blew a slide whistle that she kept on her desk in the living room specifically to underscore his misery. 

“Is that really necessary, Nat?”

“Yes. I thought you were out with Peggy, what could have possibly gone wrong?”

“There was a waiter at the diner.”

Natasha rolled her eyes. 

“Diners do tend to have those, Rogers.” 

Steve sat up and mooned over the edge of the sofa at Natasha. 

“No, I mean there was a waiter, and he was so beautiful I wanted to cry. Peggy had to hit me like three times.” 

Natasha blew on the slide whistle. Again. 

“Oh well. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“I told him he was unbelievably handsome. I’m going to die.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes. Again. 

“Honestly, Steve. You don’t have to completely bury yourself every time you’re inconvenienced.”

“You don’t get to say that, you have a boyfriend.” 

“I have a Clint.” 

“God, you guys are confusing.” 

“We’ve got top men working on it, Rogers.” 

“Come on, Romanoff.”

“Top. Men.” 

—

When Bucky got back to his apartment, Becca was asleep on the couch, a copy of  Sense and Sensibility  open on top of her face. 

Bucky smiled. He picked up the book, saved Becca’s place with the dust jacket, and set the book down on the table. He knelt down. 

“Becca. Come on, Becca, you gotta sleep in your own bed.” 

Becca rolled over facing away from Bucky. He nudged her shoulder. 

“Look, it’s Edward approaching the cottage on horseback!” 

Becca sat up quickly, as if Edward Ferrars were actually approaching the apartment building. On horseback. In New York. In the 21st century. 

“Ugh, you’re the worst, Bucky,” grunted Becca. 

“You’ve gotta go to sleep in a bed, missy.” 

Becca made a fart noise at him. She stood up and grabbed her book. Bucky was dragged by his right sleeve into his sister’s bedroom. She crawled into bed and pulled the blankets over herself. 

“How was work, Bucky?” she asked. 

“Seriously?” he asked. 

“Yeah, just tell me about work until I fall asleep.” 

Bucky smiled and kissed Becca’s forehead. 

“Well, I had two fun customers today. A British girl, who looked like a 1940s movie star. You would’ve liked her.”

Becca was already out cold, but Bucky kept talking anyway. 

“Her friend was a blond guy, he was really good looking. Bright blue eyes. He told me I was handsome. People don’t really think that about me anymore, so that was nice.”

Becca started to snore. 

“I was so surprised, I panicked and ran away. It was the best course of action. What was I supposed to do, give him my number? Anyway, it’s not like I’ll ever see him again. He was cute, though. Goodnight, little one. Thanks for listening.”

When Bucky got to work the next day, Dumdum had a card waiting for him. 

“You’ve got a letter, Jim,” said Dumdum. 

Dumdum extended a card to Bucky. He opened it slowly, then his jaw dropped.

_Bucky,_

_My name is Steve, I’m the complete train wreck from the other day who told you you were unbelievably handsome. I would like to formally apologize for that._

_Sometimes, when I’ve had a lot of cheese, I tend to lose my filter. I’m very sorry about that, I understand that it can make people uncomfortable._

_I hope that I haven’t offended you by my actions or by this letter,_

_Steve_

_P.S. You don’t know me, but if you would like to: xxx-xxx-xxxx_

—

**From: Unknown**

_Hi, it’s Bucky from the diner? I got your card._

Steve nearly passed out when he saw that text. And he actually did fall over. 

**To: Unknown**

_Yeah! Hi!_

Steve briefly considered petitioning some higher authority to ban exclamation points. 

**From: Unknown**

_I just wanted you to know that I wasn’t offended by what you said, or by the card. It was actually really nice. And y’know, you’re cute too? So no harm done._

Bucky thought he was cute. Nothing else mattered, his confidence was back, the world was his oyster. 

**To: Unknown**

_Wow thanks!!!_

Seriously. Exclamation point ban. He was going to look into it. 

**To: Unknown**

_Would you maybe want to go out with me sometime?_

The immediacy of the reply was excellent. 

**From: Unknown**

_I’m sorry, Steve, I don’t think that’s a good idea._

Until it wasn’t. 

**To: Unknown**

_Well, it was worth a shot. Do you want to hang out sometime, like platonically?_

_I’m not trying to be creepy or put pressure on you or whatever, I just think you’re really cool and would really like to be your friend._


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: anime reference. 
> 
> proceed with caution.

Becca knew people. A lot of the time it didn’t seem like she did because she was shy and didn’t have a lot of friends. But shy people know what to look for. 

For about a month or so, Bucky had been acting really weird. And not normal Bucky Barnes weird, but hiding something weird. 

The one constant in Becca’s life was her brother. She knew him better than she knew herself. When she finally figured out what was going on with him, she hated that she hadn’t figured it out sooner. 

“James Buchanan Barnes, sit your ass down.” 

Bucky had just gotten home from work, and he didn’t seem to register what Becca had said at first. 

“What?” 

“Put your patoot on that couch this instant, young man.”

Bucky did as he was told, albeit with a confused look on his face. 

“Why didn’t you tell me that you have a boyfriend?” asked Becca. 

“Excuse me?”

“You’re out of the house more often, you’re on your phone, you’re giggling, you’re giggling while you’re on your phone. You tell me that you’re going out with friends, but you don’t have any friends that aren’t Peter or Dumdum. So, if you don’t have a boyfriend, then what gives?” 

“I don’t have a boyfriend, I just made a new friend. His name’s Steve.”

“Can I meet him?” 

“Nope.” 

Becca sat down next to Bucky on the couch. 

“Who’re you embarrassed of, me or him?”

Bucky snorted and ruffled Becca’s hair. 

“Neither of you. I just can’t tell him everything about me just yet.” 

“And why is that, oh wise older brother?” 

“Because then he’ll probably ask me out again.” 

Becca sat up onto her knees and shook Bucky by the shoulders. 

“Someone asked you out?”

“Yeah,” said Bucky, “but I can’t date him. He’s cute and nice and I really like him.”

“I’m confused, why can’t you date this person?” 

Bucky didn’t say anything. He crossed his legs on the couch. 

“Is it because of me? Because if it is, I won’t feel bad. Mostly because that’s a stupid reason.” 

“Becca, I just don’t have time to put the energy into a relationship the way that Steve deserves.”

“So work less,” said Becca, “we’re here, we’re safe, we’re stable. You’ve been working so hard, for six years. That’s a long time, Bucky. That’s a long time to not do anything for yourself. You gave up everything to take care of me. You can’t spend all your time distracting yourself from the things that you want.” 

“If I let you meet Steve, do you promise not to lecture me for another seven months?”

“Five months?”

“Deal.” 

—

Steve was not allowed at Bucky’s apartment. Bucky had not strictly banned him, but they never met up at Bucky’s apartment. Sometimes Steve’s but mostly they just met at coffee shops or the movies or the diner. 

So Steve was very surprised when Bucky asked him if he wanted to come over to his place to hang out on Bucky’s day off. 

Steve was even more surprised when a teenage girl answered the door to Bucky’s apartment. 

“Oh wow, you’re early. Bucky left to go get some pizza, come on in.” 

Steve slowly shuffled into the apartment. The girl plopped down on the sofa. 

“So um...who are you?” asked Steve, sitting down on the sofa opposite the girl. 

“Oh. Right. Duh. I’m Becca, Becca Barnes, Bucky’s sister. And you’re Steve Rogers, obviously.” 

_Bucky didn’t tell me had a sister_ ,  thought Steve. 

“Then he probably also didn’t tell you that he plays the trombone and he’s scared of Thomas the Tank Engine.” 

“I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud.” 

“That’s alright. Lots of people think failure to censor oneself is a sign of recklessness, but I think it’s a sign of candor. Are you one of those people who feels guilty when they lie to little kids about Santa Claus?” 

It struck Steve in that moment, for the first time, that there were people who didn’t feel guilty when they lied to little kids about Santa Claus. 

“Oh my God, you so are,” laughed Becca. 

“So...when do you think Bucky will be back with pizza?” 

Becca smirked at him. 

“Did you seriously ask him out?” 

So Bucky had mentioned that. Great. 

“Uh, yeah. I did. Is that...bad?”

“No, it’s not bad. You still want to date him?” 

“Normally I would not answer that, but you had the whole thing about honesty earlier, so yes. But I’m not gonna pressure him into anything, that’s not me. I just want to be his friend, be around him in a way that he’s comfortable with.” 

“Wow. You’re just totally upfront about stuff, aren’t you?” 

“Well, I definitely try to be.” 

—

Of all the things Bucky expected when he got home, Becca and Steve bonding over anime was pretty low on his list. 

“No, no no no no no! WHY WOULD HE DO THAT? WHY?” cried Steve. 

Becca quietly snickered as Steve lost his god damn mind. 

“WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING? THAT’S HORRIFYING!” 

“She’s been desensitized to Fullmetal Alchemist,” explained Bucky, “pizza?” 

Steve reached out and turned off the TV. 

“Sure,” he said, “sounds great, Bucky.” 

Becca leaned over the back of the couch and wiggled her eyebrows at Bucky. He sat down in between Becca and Steve. 

“So, have you two been bonding?” asked Bucky. 

“Why didn’t you tell your new friend that you invited him over to meet me?” asked Becca. 

Steve raised his eyebrow at Bucky. 

“Oh, shut up. You would’ve bugged me to meet her, if you knew that she existed.”

“Well. I’ve had enough pizza and enough talking to Steve-“

“Hey-“

“So, I’m gonna go to my room. See you dudes later.” 

Becca stood up and sauntered off to her room.

“So, do your parents live in the city, or is it just you two?” asked Steve. 

Bucky had three options. One: be nonchalant. Two: break down weeping and tell Steve literally everything. Three: Throw Becca over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and then run away to Canada. 

“Oh, they’re dead. They were killed in a car crash six years ago.”

“Oh my God.” 

“That’s how I...y’know, arm.” 

_Smooth Barnes_ ,  thought Bucky,  _you have half an English degree, have some goddamn composure._

“Look, you don’t have to tell me anything else if you don’t want to. Both my parents passed away when I was still in high school, so I get how hard it is to talk about it.” 

“Thanks, Steve, I appreciate it.”

“No problem, Buck.” 

Bucky knew that wherever they were, George and Winnifred Barnes were laughing their asses off. 


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky was surprised when Steve asked if he wanted to meet some of his other friends. Bucky was even more surprised when he said okay. What he was not surprised by was the talking to he received from his sister. 

“So, you’re going to a bar.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re driving?”

“Yes.”

“Are you gonna drink?”

“No.” 

“Is Steve gonna drink?”

“Maybe.”

“Is he gonna drive?” 

“No.”

“Well you’re being responsible, which is boring, so you should instead get wasted, make out with Steve, then take a taxi back to his place and spend the morning cuddling and hungover.” 

“I’ll be home later tonight. Bye, Becca.”

“Ugh, you’re so lame.”

Bucky kissed Becca’s forehead, then left. Her plan wasn’t a bad one. A little reckless maybe, but it wasn’t inherently bad. It just wasn’t something Bucky would do. 

There were a lot of things Bucky didn’t do, things he never had a chance to do. He’d gone to high school, been a good kid. He’d had friends, gone to parties, gotten good grades. But he hadn’t seen any of those people since...before. 

He’d been stressed in college. He didn’t make friends or get up to much of anything. His parents insisted on taking him out of town for a weekend, just to get his mind off of things. That’s how he ended up short one arm and two parents. 

Bucky made decisions. He made decisions based on circumstances, and what was best for him and the people he cared about. 

He knew he and Becca wouldn’t be able to stand being apart from each other after their parents died. He knew what he had to do, so he did it. He knew going in that that meant he probably wouldn’t have a lot of friends, he definitely wouldn’t have a boyfriend, or much of a life outside of work and family unless he tried really hard. Trying hard would’ve gotten him hurt, he knew that too. 

But there he was, off to meet new people and make friends. He could remember how to be a person again, if not for himself, then for Becca. He could try just a little bit to move past what had happened to the two of them. 

—

“Steve, you’re bouncing the table,” chided Peggy. 

“Forget the table, he’s bouncing the entire bar,” laughed Tony. 

Steve turned to Natasha to shore up support, then saw that her eyes were fixed on something across the room. 

“Nat?” he asked. 

“James!” she cried, running across the room. 

There was Bucky, turning to face Natasha, then the two of them embracing like old friends who hadn’t seen each other in years. Natasha then proceeded to shove Bucky back towards the table. 

“James, these are my friends. Clint, Steve, Peggy, and Tony.” 

“Bucky Barnes, holy hell,” sighed Tony. 

Tony stood up and pulled Bucky away from Natasha and into a hug. 

“Hey, how’s that arm treating you, sport?” he asked.

“Ten months, Tony,” laughed Bucky, “you’re ten months older than me.” 

“Um...hi,” said Steve. 

“Right,” sighed Bucky, “you’re probably wondering how I know Tony and Nat.” 

“You know Steve?” asked Tony and Natasha. 

“Steve came into the restaurant with his friend, I’m sorry what’s your name?” 

“It’s Peggy.”

“Steve and Peggy were eating at the diner where I work, and we just sorta became friends, I guess.” 

Steve silently thanked Bucky for leaving out the parts where Steve had mortally embarrassed himself on account of a psychological reaction to lactose which was medically unexplainable. 

“Steve, Tony built my arm. That’s how we know each other.”

Tony through his arm around Bucky. 

“You forgot the part where our dads worked together and we were BFFS before my brief stint in California.”

Bucky ignored Tony and kept talking. 

“And Natasha and I went to high school together,” said Bucky.

“I see brevity is still the soul of wit, James,” said Natasha. 

Bucky rolled his eyes and sat down. 

“So, I’m the only one who doesn’t know this person?” asked Clint. 

“I’ve only met him once,” said Peggy, “at any rate, I’m glad to actually meet you.” 

Steve smiled at Bucky, trying to reassure him. Bucky smiled back. 

—

Tony was a genius, or so he’d been told. People often assumed that he did not notice the things that went on in other people’s lives, just because he was rich and cared maybe a little too much about his facial hair. 

But Tony was a people person at heart. He’d seen Bucky sparingly since they’d been reacquainted after the accident, and Tony knew why. But regardless of Bucky’s tunnel vision when it came to his family, Tony knew. 

Tony knew the look. There was a gap in their friendship, but Tony knew Bucky. And he knew that Bucky was bottling things up. 

There was a gap in their friendship, and the person who filled that gap was apparently Natasha Romanoff. Natasha was Steve’s friend, and Clint’s, and Peggy’s, and Tony was there, and he and Natasha had only ever been a member of the same group. But they both knew Bucky Barnes, so that had to be worth something, or at least be worth discussing. 

**To: Natasha**

_seems we have yet another mutual friend romanoff_

**From: Natasha**

_which is why I feel free to tell you that I’m worried about him._

**To: Natasha**

_you know what happened to his parents, right?_

**From: Natasha**

_killed in the accident that took bucky’s arm, he dropped out of school to take care of his sister. I do my research, stark._

**To: Natasha**

_I can’t help but feel like he’s had some extra stressors lately. But if I ask, he won’t tell me._

**From: Natasha**

_he won’t tell me either. I think I know what to do._


	5. Chapter 5

Becca loved Sundays. More specifically, Sundays when Bucky was on shift at the diner. Becca loved her brother more than anything in the world, and there’s not a sister in existence who wouldn’t add a but onto the tail end of that substance. 

Bucky had a very specific routine. So when he was out of the house by the time Becca got back from her run, she was free to go about her business without disturbing Bucky. Not that Bucky had ever asked her not to be in the common area of the apartment while he was prepping, but she felt like it was the appropriate thing to do. 

A knock on the door disturbed her from her very important Sunday morning post-run activity: eating Lucky Charms out of the box while watching Friends after getting back into her pajamas. She paused the TV and opened the door. She recognized both of the people standing before and she wasn’t sure why. 

“Um...can I help you?” she asked. 

“You don’t remember us?” asked the man. 

“She was four when you left, Tony,” scolded the woman, “give her a break.” 

“Tasha?” asked Becca. 

“Yeah,” said the woman, “Natasha Romanoff, your brother and I went to school together. And Tony knows your brother too, but from a long time ago. Can we come in?” 

“Yeah, of course.” 

Becca let them into the apartment, then they sat down on the couch. 

“He was acting really weird the other night,” said Tony. 

“So. How do you two know Steve?” 

“He’s my roommate. My friend Clint owns an art gallery, that’s how we met.” 

“I met Steve through Peggy,” said Tony. 

“Got it,” said Becca, “about a month and a half ago, Peggy and Steve went in to the diner where Bucky works. Steve was cheese drunk and hit on my brother, then he apologized and asked him out nice and proper. Bucky said no, and then they became friends. But Bucky really likes Steve, so he’s been really stressed trying not to let on.” 

“This is outside my area of expertise,” said Tony. 

“Mine too,” said Natasha. 

“Yeah,” laughed Becca, “this is outside everyone’s area of expertise. Bucky hasn’t gone on a date since he was sixteen, he’s never properly dated anyone, and he’s never liked someone this much either. You guys know what happened to my parents, because you’re smart and resourceful and you have no boundaries.”

“All of those things are true, yes,” said Natasha. 

“My brother is completely selfless. He dropped out of college and started working full time to support both of us, and he didn’t let himself think about anything else for six years. I’m kinda grateful to Steve for throwing a wrench into his gears, but I need you guys to make sure Bucky doesn’t burn himself out. He’s been the only around to look after me, but that goes both ways. I’m the only one who he lets look after him. You guys knew him before. You can help him remember having friends, and having a life outside of me.” 

Becca could see the shift in Tony and Natasha’s faces. They’d realized how old Becca was, even though she was still a child. She was sixteen, she was a real life person with thoughts and opinions. 

“Sounds like you’re pretty selfless too, Becca,” said Tony. 

“Just for my brother. Bucky’s not the only one with tunnel vision.”

—

“So...you asked him out,” said Natasha. 

She was sitting on the sofa grinning smugly. Steve grunted. He was really hoping to avoid telling Natasha about the beginnings of his friendship with Bucky. 

“Is that bad?” asked Steve. 

“No, I’m just surprised. Befriending guys after they’ve turned you down isn’t really your M.O.”

Steve sat down and projected a carefree confidence that had got him through college. 

“He seemed worth getting to know. As a real person, not just as someone I found attractive.”

“It didn’t help, did it?” 

Steve’s façade crumbled as quickly as he had put it up. 

“No, it did not. He’s killing me, Nat. He’s hot and smart and caring and not into me at all. I can’t stop being friends with him, because it’s petty and mean and I can’t imagine not being around him, but I can’t keep being friends with him knowing how I feel about him, because that’s creepy and invasive.” 

“Or you could just grow a pair,” said Natasha. 

“Yeah, but we both know the likelihood of that happening.” 

Natasha smiled. 

“You always jump into the deep end, Steve. Welcome to my side of the pool. This is where we push down our feelings just so we can keep that special person in our lives for as long as possible. Just so we can stay afloat.” 

“You really hitched your wagon to that pool metaphor, huh?”

Natasha snorted and elbowed Steve. 

“Whatever,” she said, “not to be too callous, but it’s nice to see you like this.” 

“Well, I have experienced it before. You just weren’t around to see it.” 

“You never struck me as a relationship guy until now, I guess.”

Steve chuckled. 

“It wasn’t like that. He was straight. Classy of me, right?”

“The heart wants what the heart wants, Rogers.”

“The heart was 16 and recently orphaned, foundering on the rock of teen romance that would never blossom.” 

“Given your history, I just have one question.”

“What’s that?”

“Why did you ask Bucky out in the first place? He’s not a casual guy, you can tell that about him right off the bat. And you haven’t really gotten serious with anyone for as long as I’ve known you. So...why now? Why him?” 

Steve prided himself on a lot of things. His confidence, his skill as an artist, how loyal a friend he was. He had never considered himself a romantic. 

He could turn it on for a guy, if they both felt like it. He could do the cheesy stuff, the B-movie stuff, he could be romantic if he really tried. 

He wasn’t Tony, who showered Pepper and Rhodey with so much love and affection that it was uncertain how the three of them got anything done. 

He wasn’t Peggy, who believed in Angie and loved her so much that every step the two of them made they made together. 

He wasn’t his mother. He wasn’t Sarah Rogers, who fell in love every morning she woke up next to her husband. Sarah Rogers, who made herself sick worrying about Joseph until the day she received news of his passing. Sarah Rogers, who made sure her son loved his father as much as she had. Sarah Rogers, who died smiling, sad to leave her son behind but happy to see Joseph again. 

“I don’t know,” said Steve, “it wasn’t something I planned. I feel like I was supposed to know him. We were supposed to be in each other’s lives, and even though he doesn’t have feelings for me, I get to be there for him. As long as I get to be around him, the rest of it doesn’t matter.”

“You think you’ll be able to get over him?” asked Natasha. 

“No. But I felt that way last time to. It’s never as bad as you think it is.” 

“Promise?”

“Yeah, Romanoff. I promise.” 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote three different versions of this chapter! I’m so tired! I think there’s only a few chapters left?

Bucky watched intently, holding the cardboard box that contained his Halloween costume, as his sister scribbled away on a notepad. 

“Becca, what are you doing?” 

“Trying to solve a problem.”

She finished scribbling, then dragged Bucky to the couch and revealed her work. She gestured to the first page with her pen as though she were giving a lecture. 

“This is a list of things you hate, in no particular order. Systemic oppression, drunk people, parties, costumes, having fun, Thomas the Tank Engine, and Piers Morgan.” 

Becca flipped the page. 

“This is a list of things that occur on Halloween.Frolicking children, sugar highs, parties, costumes, drunk people, having fun, and the soundtrack to  The Nightmare Before Christmas .”

Becca flipped the next page dramatically to reveal a pie chart. 

“That means you hate 57% of stuff about Halloween, and are ambivalent towards 28% of stuff about Halloween. This means you only like 15% of stuff about Halloween.” 

“Are you done?” asked Bucky. 

“Not even close,” said Becca, “you have recently been invited to a Halloween party. I know this because you received the invitation through the mail on paper, because your new BFF is ridiculously old-fashioned for someone who has never had a serious boyfriend and has a blog full of goofy gay comic strips about Overwatch, according to my research.” 

“Gossiping with Natasha is not research.”

“Yes it is. Due to the facts I have laid out before you, Halloween is a great opportunity for you to get past whatever’s stopping you from dating Steve, who is really great and cares about you.”

“Becca-“

“And you’re obviously crazy about him, so I’m gonna keep bugging you until you tell me the real reason you are ignoring the fact that you want to date him.” 

Bucky sighed. The time had finally come to tell Becca the whole and completely embarrassing truth. 

“I don’t know how,” said Bucky. 

Becca looked like Bucky had just recited a limerick in Greek while wearing footie pajamas. 

“Could you...elaborate?”

“Sure,” chuckled Bucky, “nothing ever came of anything in high school. Never had a boyfriend, never had a big dramatic romantic declaration, just a couple of dates. Then in college, I was too stressed to try. After Mom and Dad died, it just seemed so unimportant. By the time I started thinking about it again, everyone around me had learned the basics. What to say, what not to say, where to go, how to be, so much so that my inexperience was fairly obvious.” 

“So you just stopped trying?” asked Becca. 

“Yeah. I mean, it’s not like I get a lot of offers. Still, I don’t know how, and the stuff I don’t know, you learn on the job. And I don’t think I could get an interview.” 

“I will now cease bugging you. About this.”

—

Steve loved Halloween. He loved costumes, he loved candy, and he loved the party that he and Nat had thrown every year for the past few years. 

He had been warned that Bucky hated Halloween by Tony, Natasha, and Becca, but Steve was determined to have a nice time on Halloween. Even if Bucky didn’t show up to the party. 

The day of Halloween arrived, and Steve had no idea whether or not Bucky was going to show up to the party. Then his phone rang. 

“Hey, should I bring food tonight?”

“Bucky?” 

“Yeah, it’s me,” said Bucky, “should I bring food tonight?”

“You’re coming?“

“Look. If I show up without asking, then-what did you say?”

“I was just surprised that you’re coming. Nat told me you hate Halloween.” 

“Oh...yeah, I do kinda hate Halloween. But you’re my friend, and Nat and Tony will be there, right? And Clint and Peggy seem really nice, and I want to meet Peggy’s girlfriend, and...did you think I wasn’t gonna come?” 

“Um...kind of? But I’m really glad that you’re gonna come.” 

“Yeah, me too. I’ll see you tonight, Buck.”

“Bye.”

Steve lied down on the couch. He could get through this. It was just Halloween, and he loved Halloween. And Bucky was his friend. Everything would fade away. 

It was just a Halloween party.

—

Steve woke up on November 1 with no memory of the party whatsoever. He sat up slowly. He could hear someone talking on the phone in the living room. 

“Everything’s under control, I promise. Everyone’s either just as hungover or can’t get out of work. I’m fine, Becca, I promise. Yeah, I’ll see you after your track practice. Oh, I forgot that was today, I’m sorry. Weird. Yeah, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Text me when you get to Kate’s, okay? Love you too.” 

Steve started to stumble out of his bedroom, knowing Bucky was there, then ran into the bathroom to throw up. When he emerged, Bucky was standing there looking just a little bit amused. 

“Morning, Steve. Why don’t you sit down before you throw up again? I’ll get you a glass of water and some aspirin.” 

Steve sat down. Bucky walked into the kitchen and Steve noticed two things. One, Bucky was wearing regular clothes. Two, Steve was wearing his pajamas. Bucky returned with the water and aspirin. Steve graciously took the medicine and drank slowly, almost one sip at a time. Bucky sat on the other end of the couch. 

“How are you feeling?” asked Bucky. 

“What did I do last night? I can’t remember the party. Like, at all.” 

“Well,” said Bucky, “I think the most embarrassing thing has to be that you ate your weight in powdered donuts then claimed that getting powdered sugar all over your Sherlock Holmes costume made it more authentic. I believe your exact words were “because of the cocaine, Bucky, get it? I’m so funny.””

“Oh God.” 

“When I tried to explain that people of Arthur Conan Doyle’s time were more likely to ingest cocaine then to snort it, you paraded me around the room introducing me to people I had already met by saying “this is my friend Bucky. He’s soooooooo smart.”” 

“Please tell me that’s the end of that story.” 

“You then tried to snort powdered sugar. Thor put you in a sleeper hold and dragged you away from the kitchen, then Loki and Bruce tied you to a chair. Angie, Peggy, and I kept an eye on you until you passed out, then Clint and Rhodey carried you to your room.”

Bucky pulled out his phone and took a picture of Steve. 

“What, are you documenting my misery?” asked Steve. 

“Amassing visual aids for a PowerPoint on responsible drinking before Becca goes off to college. Did you happen to flush the toilet after vomiting?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

“Too bad. I already have our great great uncle’s prohibition mugshots though, so I should be able to put together something suitably horrifying.” 

“Did you drink a lot in college?” asked Steve. 

“I didn’t do anything in college but study and get in debilitating car accidents.” 

Steve had completely forgotten that the time frame on Bucky’s accident would’ve matched up with when he was in college. When Steve lost his mom, Peggy’s family had taken him in. Bucky and Becca had been all alone. 

“I dropped out to take care of Becca. Never had the time to go back. Or the money for that matter.”

“What was your major?”

“English. I had a flash piece in the Shield University literary journal, I wrote articles for the school paper, and I had an internship at a publishing house lined up for my junior year. The year after the accident, they got busted for counterfeiting, money laundering, and racketeering, so I guess I dodged a bullet there.”

“Of course you’re a writer,” chuckled Steve, “I bet you don’t write that much anymore, though. You should. I bet you’re really great.” 

“I do still write. I’m just having a hard time finding happy endings. And I’m pretty much done needless angst at this point.”

“You’ll find it, Buck. I know you will.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Chrysler

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is really short because I was stumped for a while, and I needed to switch perspectives. because...whoops?

Tony was confused. So very very confused. He did not know why Becca Barnes wanted a Christmas party so badly. Not even a big Christmas party, just all of her brother’s friends and her friends. It was weird. Tony was sure Becca had something planned. 

He was even more sure once Becca and her friends showed up. A whole hour early. They filed into the tower like they owned the place and lined up next to Becca like they were the fucking A-team and not a group of teenagers in somebody else’s home. 

“Tony, these are my friends. Kamala Khan, America Chavez, and Kate Bishop.”

“What are you planning, Barnes?” asked Tony. 

“The tomfoolery ends tonight, Tony, all of it. I’ve waited for my brother to realize that he doesn’t have to let our past stop him from having a future.” 

“Fine. Just don’t break anything. That’s my job.” 

Becca nodded, and huddled up with her friends and whispered. 

Once the party got underway, Tony looked every which way for danger. Pepper and Rhodey would never let him hear the end of it if he threw a party at the urging of a sixteen year old girl and everything still went pear shaped. For just a moment, Tony thought maybe Becca was just horsing around, having fun, trying to do right by her brother. 

Then he saw her pull out a walkie talkie. 

“I thought you said the tomfoolery stops tonight,” said Tony. 

“It does,” said Becca, “I just need to go to Plan H.”

“You’ve had seven plans before this?” asked Tony. 

“Nope. The H stands for Hawkeye. Kate, you ready?” 

A voice answered from the walkie talkie. 

“On your mark, Becks.” 

“Fire away.” 

Two suction cup arrows hit Clint and Natasha in the back. A third suction cup arrow hit the wall near Steve and Bucky. A fourth suction cup arrow hit Tony in the forehead. Tony removed the arrow. There was a message tied around the shaft that said  don’t worry, it’ll work. 

Tony looked up. Clint and Natasha were hugging, and they both seemed to be smiling genuinely. Tony glanced over at Steve and Bucky. There was a sprig of mistletoe attached to the arrow. 

“I thought you were better than this, Becca,” said Tony. 

“What the hell gave you that impression? Now watch!” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter technically! thanks for hanging on!

God help him, Bucky was going to ground Rebecca for til college. He knew Kate was a crack shot and he knew he was in for it when arrows started flying. He saw Clint and Natasha acclimate after reading the notes tied to their arrows, but mistletoe? He thought his sister was better than that. 

“Very funny, Rebecca,” said Steve, “your brother’s not gonna do that.”

Bucky wanted to kiss Steve. He really really wanted to. But Bucky couldn’t date Steve, he didn’t know how. And Becca knew that, and she said she was gonna back off. 

“So...you would?” asked Kamala. 

“Yeah,” called Kate from the rafters, “if Bucky wanted to, you would kiss him?” 

Bucky couldn’t date Steve. Not properly, not well. Bucky couldn’t kiss Steve. Not properly, not well. 

“Steve.”

But he could try.

“Kiss me.”

“Buck, you don’t have to-“

“I know. I don’t do anything I don’t want to do, that’s why I hardly ever do anything. I think I’d be awkward and clumsy and horrible, but I think that’s what you liked about me in the first place. I got no clue what I’m doing, but do you still want that date, Rogers?” 

“Yes,” breathed Steve, shocked and slack jawed. 

“Then kiss me.” 

Bucky had not been kissed since he was 16, when everything was perfect and he knew what he was doing. Bucky had not been kissed since high school, since he was charming and still had his parents and his left arm. Bucky half expected Steve to walk out. Leave the party. Never talk to Bucky again. 

Steve cracked a smile as he stepped into Bucky’s space. He wrapped an arm around Bucky’s waist and cradled the back of Bucky’s head with his other hand. Bucky was surprised by the fact that he felt okay. He felt safe. Even though Steve was dipping him in the middle of a Christmas party thrown by his kid sister and he had to scramble to hold onto Steve, who had an uncanny ability to surprise him even when he was doing exactly what Bucky had asked him to. 

_God, why am I attracted to this dork?_ thought Bucky. 

Except Bucky hadn’t actually forgotten. And even if he had, kissing Steve made his life flash before his eyes. Not all of it, just the parts that had Steve. That night at the diner, unbelievably handsome, greeting cards, meeting his friends, seeing Nat and Tony again, drunk on Halloween, hungover and weirdly earnest the next day, paintings and songs and smiles. 

Steve turned, putting Bucky back on his own and two feet and tilting his head so that their foreheads rested against each other. 

“I’m sorry it took me a minute to come around. I haven’t done this in a while, and it’s scary. But I trust you. And I really like you.” 

“That’s always nice to hear. Can I...kiss you again?” 

“Yeah.” 

Steve kissed him again. 

It was awesome. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY so this is the weirdest rambliest by the seat of my pantsest thing I’ve written possibly ever? so thanks for reading it!
> 
> I really like this concept and the stuff I’ve done with the characters, so I might revise it at some point, but thank you again sooooo much and I hope you enjoyed my story!


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